All the things I shoud have said to him
by Rikurt36
Summary: After the battle at Renwick's, Luke cannot stop thinking about Alaric and about all the things he should have said to him.


**All the things I should have said to him.**

 **After the battle at Renwick's, Luke cannot stop thinking about Alaric and about all the things he should have said to him.**

 **Hi! A new fanfiction, with an inedited couple for me: Luke/Alaric. While reading the books, I shipped that couple like hell. Here is my writing on them!**

* * *

I remember the night of the battle at Renwick's. I remember every moment of it. How we arrived in the courtyard, how we fought the Forsaken, how we stood against Valentine. But most of all, I remember how he died. How Alaric died. I have never forgiven myself for his loss, for letting him down. And every night, I think of all the things I should have said to him.

* * *

I remember the first time I met him. Right after I had killed their Alpha, I had called a meeting to introduce myself and present my intentions.

"Hello, everybody. My name's Luke and I'll be your new leader. I intend to be a fair and reliable chief, and nobody's gonna be left aside."

"Does this mean you'll have no Omegas, master?" a tall and tough man had asked.

"For starters, nobody calls me 'master'. And there will be no disadvantage or bullying for anybody. Understood?" There had been a dead silence. I knew what I was saying was not ordinary from an Alpha, but this was how it worked with me. "Understood?"

"Yes, sir," the assembly had replied in unison.

"Don't call me 'sir' either. Just call me Luke. Any questions?" They had not made a move as I was analyzing the different groups of the pack. "Who were the former second and third in command?" The man that had spoken earlier had taken a step forward, along with a small woman. I had immediately told her, as she was oozing wisdom and firmness, "You will be my second. What's your name?"

"Gretel, sir." She had glanced at her mate. "But Bat should be your second."

"No, you'll be just fine," I had replied. I had then pointed at a young man with long gray hair that was staying in the shadows of his fellows. "You. What's your name?"

"M—Me?" the heavily muscled man had stuttered, looking down in submission.

"Yes, you."

"A—Alaric. Master."

"Alright. Everybody! Alaric here will be my new third."

There had been a big shocked silence and everyone had started protesting virulently, yelling at each other and insulting the young man, who was shrinking in the shadows as if he wanted to disappear.

"He can't be your third!" Bat had complained in anger.

"And why is that?" I had innocently said in a soft smile. "He looks just perfect for the job."

"He is… He is an Omega!"

I had raised an eyebrow. "What did we say about Omegas, Bat?"

"That there no longer were Omegas…," he had mumbled.

"Right, then. You can get back to what you were doing."

They had obeyed puzzlingly and had gone all the way inside the abandoned police station. Alaric had then made his way to where I was still standing. "Why did you choose me?" he had timidly asked, making his possible to look into my eyes. "Because, you know, I'm—I mean, I _was_ an Omega."

I had looked at him for a minute at least, terrified at the thought of saying the truth, and had only said in a wink, "Well, I was a Shadowhunter." And I had left him in an utter bewilderment.

But I knew I had just avoided confessing a brand new dirty secret. Truth was the second I had seen him, hiding in the shadows, I had fallen for him. Fallen for his perfect features, his shyness and his low social position. Everything in him had made me vibrate at his sight. And all I had wanted had been to get him as close to me as possible. But that, I would have never admitted in front of him.

* * *

I remember when I had asked my pack to come rescue Clary at the hotel Dumort, only a few days after I had become their Alpha. They had been reluctant to go, because it was a real vampire hive. But they had gone. Even though I knew it was dangerous, I had sent them there. And I had felt terribly awful to force them to go risk their lives to save a human girl they did not even know. Especially Alaric. If I had been able to, I would have forbidden him to come with us, but I just could not. I always wanted him safe, as far away from danger and death as possible. Guess I failed.

" _Luke?"_ Alaric had said in a growl as he was in his wolf form, seeing me standing still in a deep thought in front of the macabre hotel. _"What are you waiting for? Do you want me to go first?"_

" _No! You stay back!"_ I had nearly shouted to him, showing teeth. Alaric had looked down and stepped back.

We had entered the hotel with apprehension, and when we had found the vampires on the verge of attacking Clary and her friends, we had immediately pounced on them to protect Jocelyn's daughter. During this first fight, I had realized I could not focus on anything else than Alaric. I was always wondering if he was okay, if I had made the right choice by making my third in command out of him, if he was too weak. And then I had seen Clary stab him with a seraph blade. That had be the only time where I felt like I hated her, when she had touched my protégé. I had immediately bitten the vampire I was fighting to go to Alaric and drag him out of the hotel.

" _Leave me, Luke! Get back there, they need you! Go save them, not me!"_ he had been begging me, not paying attention to the blood on his fur.

I had opened my mouth, to say something, to say anything. To tell him how much I cared, how much he meant. But I had said nothing. I had just nodded and gone back. Because he was now safe, and that was all I needed to know. So I had lied, to preserve myself, and to preserve him.

* * *

I remember when I had saved Clary, again. Really, this girl attracts danger. Anyway, I had kept an eye on her, and I had seen that she was in a difficult position with Hodge. After rescuing her, I had taken her to the pack's quarters. And this was where everything had got worse. When she had dragged us at Renwick's, when she had forced us to fight again. I remember my pounding heart, my shaking limbs at the thought of Alaric in the middle of another battle. But I had had no other choice than accepting. Would I have been a good friend if I had said no to her?

I remember the way we had walked to Renwick's, the way I had constantly looked behind to see if Alaric was following, the way he had kept smiling to me as if everything were perfectly fine, the way we had been attacked by the Forsaken, the way I had shouted to Alaric to get Clary safe but how I had only thought about him getting safe, and the way he had defied Valentine to save me.

When I had seen him, in his gray brindled wolf form, stepping into the room, I had immediately thought, 'No. Not him. Everyone but him.' I had felt selfish and mean, but he had really been the only one I was thinking about. Nothing else had mattered on this night. And I know I should have done something to stop him, I know I should have said something. But I had stood still, and that's why he died this day. Because I stood still, instead of acting and telling the truth for once in my life. There are a million things I know I should have said to him when I still had time, when I still had hope. And these things will never be said. I will always keep them in my grief and beyond, because another like Alaric can rarely be found. I wish I had at least told him how I felt. But somehow I knew he secretly did. He had always looked at me differently. He had known. And I'll for ever wonder what _he_ would have said to me if he still were there.

* * *

 **I hope you liked this, I personally think there were too many thoughts of Luke and not so much dialogue. Let's make a deal. Review and I'll post a little bonus for you.**


End file.
